Saturday, January 5, 2013

Human Pincushion

You hear people use the term "human pincushion" all the time to the point that it seems overused but sorry, that's what I'm starting to feel like right now. The best part is, it's only just beginning.  Fun new year for me so far:

Weds: Got my chemo port surgically implanted. The port is so they can inject the chemo drugs directly into my jugular rather than tapping the veins in my are each time.  That's right...jugular.  The rational behind this is that the chemo drugs are very hard on the veins and if they go into the jugular, they get distributed much faster.  Or so I'm told.  Anyway, this port, about the size of 5 dimes stacked, was implanted in my chest, just below my collarbone. It has a flexible rubber tube running out the top (but still under the skin) that is somehow spliced into the jugular in my neck. So I've got this weird bump on my chest and the line is plainly visible under the skin. Franken-monkee. Julie wants to know what happens if the line somehow comes unanchored from the vein. I have no answer for this.

The procedure was quick and painless, I spent more time in pre/post op then in the operating room. In addition to the incision in my chest, they told me there'd be a "puncture" in my neck but the end result is a knot of skin bound up in a stitch or two.  Looks like a hack job, definitely bigger than advertised. The whole region itches like crazy and I can't take a shower for 3 days...awesome.

Thurs: A little pain, a little itching, full day of work.

Fri: Bone marrow biopsy! The last test they need to perform before treatment. This one involves sticking a large gauge "horse" needle in my ass and into the hip bone to withdraw some bone marrow and a bit of bone. Outstanding! This one was not as painful as advertised but was pretty humiliating. Due to new/visiting personnel, there was a lot of misscommunication in the prep for the coring of my butt that resulted in at least half of the oncologist's office walking in on my bare ass waving in the breeze. I was seriously concerned that they were going to have to stick me a couple of times and almost walked out. I think my favorite moment was when the nurse described the procedure and said "you'll pull your pants down a little and the doctor will just get in there and get after it". I lost it when she said that but she somehow failed to see the humor. They said I'd be pretty sore for a few days but I've had much worse from falling on my butt playing far.

1 comment:

  1. That's hilarious. I had a somewhat similar experience when I was seven or eight. I sat on a pair of scissors. Buried to the hilt. While laying on my belly in a curtained cubicle in the emergency room with my ass hanging out a nurse came in to take a peek and said "A doctor will be in soon to take a look at it." It didn't take long for a continuous flow of ER personnel to flick open the curtain take a peek and flick it shut again. All I could imagine was that everyone and their brother was running around the hospital telling their friends, "You've gotta go take a look at the kid in ER room #4."